Archive for July 2019

Good bye


Six o'clock. She rose from her desk and started gathering her things. On any other day, it would have involved bagging her laptop, putting her phone and glasses into her handbag, taking out the exact change for her train ride home and a series of cheerful 'bye! see you tomorrows' to her colleagues.

Now there was no laptop to bag. She had handed it over to the IT department half an hour ago. Along with that, the office issued phone. All things surrendered and a 'no dues certificate' signed and submitted.

Done. Complete. It was her last working day here.

She thought back to the last eight years. It was a complete cliche she supposed. But could not help herself.

She recalled her first day at the office. The security had not been briefed and nobody knew that she was a new joinee. Until a very junior looking guy had vouched for her and said - yes, I know. She has joined as the departmental head.

She recalled her first team. Of how hard she had worked to gain their trust and respect. Of the times she had locked horns with some, convinced she was right, and determined to prove her point. She recalled the elation she felt when she 'won'.

She recalled how she slowly learned people's true natures. Some very sincere and hardworking who everybody pushed around and barely respected. She recalled those who knew exactly what needed to be said to impress those in power and stay in their good books. She recalled those that had supported her in her difficult times and those that had made her life difficult.

And she recalled this fondly. No angst. No anger. She knew the nature of organisations was complex. It was the people that made the organisations. And despite some shocks and revelations about people's true personalities, she had generally been happy. She was recognised as one who did good work, was respected as being committed, sincere and reliable. As someone who cared about people around her.

And then the old order changed and yielded place to the new. New roles, new people, new positions. All of a sudden it seemed that she was back where she had begun.

Except this time it was different. In the beginning there was work but no team. And when the team came the work she was hired to do was somehow deemed less important. 'You dont have enough work' they said. 'Do this', 'Do that'....pushed around like a pawn in a game of chess. She watched as those in positions of authority did what they pleased. Unchallenged.

She had always believed herself to be one who could speak truth to power. And yet, this time, she felt silenced. It was as if no one was interested in anything she had to say. What she heard, unspoken, but loud and clear - don't ask questions. Just do. Tolerate. In. Silence.

This was not her. What was she doing? Was a paycheck at the end of the month so important that she could turn a blind eye to all those things that were anathema to her? Why was she enduring this tenure of ignominy. Where was her sense of self? Where had she gone?

And so she decided - enough. This had to stop now. No more was she going to tolerate this self doubt and self flagellation. She wanted out.

So here she was today. Saying goodbye. To what, she wasnt very sure. What she knew, loved and nurtured was no longer there. Replaced instead by this being, this beast that was consumed by its own self importance, its own self congratulation in pursuance of its own self absorption.

Snapping out of her reverie, she squared her shoulders, lifted her chin and walked calmly towards the exit. The security knew her this time. They smiled sadly. They knew that she would no longer be greeting them with her sunny 'Good morning!'. As it went in the song, there was really nothing left to say, but goodbye. 

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